In Which I Find a Mosquito, Coffee Theif and Facebook Shock
I knew today will be a horrible day the moment I woke up. I mean who enjoys waking up to an annoying buuuuzzzzzz of a mosquito?
This buzzing woke me up, and as always I started murmuring to myself, something about how I don’t want to wake up, and that sleep deprivation can kill you. I’m not really sure, because there’s a high possibility I was still a sleep, and was just dreaming.
“Just six more seconds!” I yelled at the annoying mosquito. I even put my legs out on the air, so he could bite me, and just get it over with. Isn’t that the thing mosquitoes do? Bite you, drink your blood, and then you spend the next two weeks picking at the bite, scratching it like crazy.
But the buzzing wouldn’t stop.
“Stupid mosquito!”
“Just bite me already!”
Luckily for me, just at that moment my roomie Sylvia decided to come in my room.
“Honey you know I don’t swing this way. But if you insist, I believe I could get over there and bite you in that hot ass of yours!”
She chuckled.
I would smile too, but I was just waken up by a stupid buzzing mosquito. I wanted to sleep, I didn’t want to wake up into this cruel world just yet. I liked my dream world better than the harsh reality.
I want the buzzing to stop.
So I do the one thing you shouldn’t do when your middle is ‘clumsy’. I try to get up while killing the mosquito. Of course I lost my balance in the matter of seconds, so I started frantically waving my hands around, trying to find something to hold on to. Unfortunately for me, the only thing I could find was my blanket.
I made quite a sight, as I feel of the bed, my limbs tangled with blanket. And just my luck, because Sylvia was there, and she absolutely loooves to make home videos, I get to watch and re-watch my humiliating morning routine over and over again. Some people have a fancy video of how they do their make-up, hair and choose their outfit of the day as ‘a morning routine’ video on YouTube, I have a video of me trying to kill mosquito while falling of the bed. So far about three million people had seen my humiliation.
You could say my day started bad, but ‘Hey! Nothing can top that off, right?’ Well you are wrong. I would go to bed today saying it was a good day if I wasn’t obsessed with Facebook. But who can blame me? Facebook is the greatest thing created after the internet. End of discussion.
But back to my horrible morning. After Sylvia finally stopped laughing and finally helped me get out of the mess the blanket and my limbs created, I practically ran out of the room, trying to get away from the mosquito as possible. I didn’t see it, I was pretty sure I squashed it when I feel off the bed, but I could still hear the buzzing in my head. So much for thinking I’m a sane person.
Same as every morning I went to the small kitchen Sylvia and I shared to make my morning coffee. Nothing special, no whipped cream, or obscene amount of sugar or some fancy soy milk. Nope, just a regular espresso with regular milk. Whichever was in the fridge, I’m not picky after all.
God forbid anyone from breaking my morning coffee routine. I’m like a monster if I don’t get my caffeine shot in the morning. Morning coffee makes me human. But when I ran into the kitchen I suddenly crashed into the wall that shouldn’t been there. A moving wall that is.
When I came back to my senses I realized that ‘the wall’ was actually a really cute guy dressed only in a pants. And when I turned around to stop staring at his delicious six pack, I noticed that Sylvie wasn’t wearing one of her oversized T-shirts, but was fully dressed. She was never fully dressed before seven a.m.
“Were you planning on telling me this?” I wiggled my brows at her, completely ignoring the hot, shirtless guy. I reached for my coffee, when I realized it was empty. There should be enough for two more coffees!
“I was. Until you ran out of the room screaming bloody murder because of a mosquito.” She laughed at me and moved over to that sexy shirtless guy.
“I didn’t realize I was screaming? Never mind, where’s my coffee?” Even though I was actually talking to myself and didn’t expect an answer, I did got one.
“About that…” She sounded so guilty I knew there was something wrong. But what was she felt guilty about. She knew better than to drink my coffee. But on the second thought, that guy didn’t.
I looked real good at him once again. I noticed that besides the fact he had a delicious smelling, caffeine induced drink in his hands, he also had the nerve to take my special cup. No one ever used my cup but me. Ever.
I could feel my mood falling even lower, if that’s even possible. There was not a six pack hot enough or a guy sexy enough on Earth who could get away with both taking my special cup and drinking the last of my coffee. My face become a murderous mask and I was just about to charge at him with all my might. Anything to make that thief pay.
Unfortunately Sylvia knew me well enough to step in front of him.
“Honey, he already drank it. There’s no point in beating him now. Besides he’ll be leaving now.”
She was holding me away from him, showing remarkable strength considering her small statue.
“I want to hurt him! I want him to pay! He drank my coffee!” If she thought I was screaming bloody murder before, than she should better think again. I wanted him to pay! And if I couldn’t actually hurt him, I might as well settle with making him go def.
“I understand it!” She tried to stop me from jumping him and cover her ears at the same time. All while turning towards the guy. “Ed you better leave. I told you, you shouldn’t drink he coffee or use that cup. And I told you she’d like a monster in the morning.”
This is when I started screaming profanities, not caring it was only six thirty in the morning and people in the building were probably still a sleep. But what the heck, it’s after six, there’s nothing they can do. And if they call the police; Well than they can arrest the coffee thief!
Ed, or whatever his name was got out of the kitchen into Sylvie’s bedroom.
“That’s right, run you good for nothing coffee thief!”
“Calm down. You’re gonna scare Ed!” Sylvia was still holding onto me like that annoying, blood-sucking bug. Only she wasn’t drinking my blood, but worse – my coffee.
I know I sound funny, obsessing over a cup of coffee like a crazy person, but I already said I’m a monster if I don’t get my morning coffee.
“That’s the idea here!”
“The poor guy will never drink another cup of coffee here in his life.”
“Good! That’s the point.”
I was ready to explode, and Sylvia could see that. It’s amazing how she read me like a bad romance novel. Always knowing what will happen next.
She did the only logical thing, distract me. She took her tablet from the table and with super speed opened Facebook and shoved it into my face.
And like the gullible person I am, I took it, checking out the status reports of my virtual friends. Because there’s no greater way to prove to the world how much better your life is than via internet to total strangers.
I calmed down at the proof my life is great in comparison to so many others. But then something caught my eye.
I broke up with Phillip almost a year ago, but I hadn’t had the heart to de-friend him on Facebook. Well to be honest, I never de-friended any of my old flames, unless they were stalkers. Then I cut all the contacts with them. But if they weren’t… Well there was a certain charm in knowing I was doing so much better than them.
I got an invite to a wedding between Phillip, yes the ex boyfriend Phillip, and Amanda. Because on top of everything bad that had happened this morning I had to go to Facebook and ruin my day because Phillip is about to marry Amanda. Who was my best friend since birth. Too bad she decided to steal Phillip from me.
I never told them I knew about cheating. After all, how will I get my sweet, sweet revenge when they cheat on each other and I laugh at them when they cry about it. I just never expected they would be getting married.
I was standing, star struck, looking at the iPod with glassy eyes, completely oblivious to everything that was happening around me. I didn’t register that Ed murmured an apology to me while leaving the apartment, I didn’t realize he came back few minutes after, with a coffee to-go in his hands.
If it wasn’t for Sylvia, the coffee would get cold and I wouldn’t even notice. She punched me in the arm, when I hadn’t responded to Ed’s attempt to get me the coffee.
“Seph, take the cup. Poor Ed here will think you’re purposely ignoring him.”
It wasn’t much, it was enough to get me off the trance. I took the coffee with a nod, with which I showed my gratitude, because I was still too shocked to talk. Which wasn’t like me at all.
“She’s not always like that. Just come over later and I’ll properly into…”
That was all I heard Sylvie said before I closed the door of my bedroom behind me. I sat down on my bed, trying my best to process the fact that my ex is getting married. Unlike my previous relationships I was actually hurt by Phillip and I hadn’t gone out with anyone since we broke up.
Now he’s marrying that bitch Amanda? I really want to make them pay. And I will. I will be their wedding nightmare, because there’s no way he’ll get married before I do.
I smiled mischievously at the thought and took a sip of coffee.
Life was good once again.
****Copyright © Rainbowland Magic 2014.****
****I’m also posting this story on Wattpad, so if you want to read it there, here’s a link to the first chapter. Don’t be shy, tell me what you think… I’m a big girl I can take a negative comment. But if I won’t like it there’s no guarantee I wont ‘accidentally’ delete it 😉
Rainbowland Magic 